Honor: 0 [ Give / Take ]
5 entries this month
Welfare joke
05:14 Jan 03 2006
Times Read: 684
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The
starting salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, well... you started it.
Hillbilly Love Poem
05:08 Jan 03 2006
Times Read: 685
Suzie Anne done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all
She told her Pappy so.
Pappy told her, "Susie gal,
You'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo'Ma don't know,
But Joe is yo'half brother"
So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will.
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, "There's trouble still...
You can't marry Will, my gal.,
And please don't tell your Mother,
But Will and Jo and several mo'
I know is yo'half brother"
But Mama knew and said, "My child,
Just do what makes yo' happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe
You ain't no kin to Pappy.
So True
04:59 Jan 03 2006
Times Read: 688
A groom passes down the aisle of the church to take his place by the altar and the best man notices that the groom has the biggest, brightest smile on his face.
The best man says, ''Hey man, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up - you look so excited.''
The groom replies, ''I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me.''
The bride comes walking down the aisle and she, too, has the biggest, brightest smile on her face.
The maid of honor notices this and says, ''Hey, girlfriend, I know you are happy to be getting married, but what's up, you look so excited.''
The bride replies ''I have just given the last blow job of my entire life.''
Beautiful Revenge
04:52 Jan 03 2006
Times Read: 689
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was
severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they
couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny, so the
wife offered to donate some of her own skin; however, the only skin on
her
body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her
buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the
skin
came from, and they requested that the doctor also
honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.After the
surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's
new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his
friends
and relatives just went on and on about his youthful
beauty!
One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at
her sacrifice. He said, "Dear, I just want to thank
you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see
your mother kiss you on the cheeks".
Tight Skirt
04:43 Jan 03 2006
Times Read: 692
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached beh! ind to unzip a little more again but was unable to make the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.
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